Tough Love

    Ayla is now days away from being 1 year old and I'm dealing with an unfortunate behavioral issue. It's cropped up in the last few weeks and is one of the most frustrating things that I've had to deal with thus far. Hitting. Not just hitting either, she'll hit me and then crack up laughing when I tell her "No!"
    Up to this point my only response has been to hold her hand, look her in the eye and firmly say "No." And her inevitable response is to look me straight in the face and laugh really hard. What's even more frustrating is that it always seems directed at me, never anyone else.  It's sometimes hard to remind myself that she's not trying to hurt me but can't express herself any other way. I was reading several blog posts last night from moms who have had similar issues and they've all pretty much said the same thing that I've been doing. Some have recommended time-outs, distracting her with a toy, or even providing a suitable object to hit instead.
    The good thing is that I usually know exactly why it's happening. Last night, for instance, I had to wake her up to feed her dinner. She was exhausted and just wanted to go back to bed. She started throwing a fit while I was trying to feed her and a little later when we were snuggling on the couch. Adrian had to put her to bed and it was the first time I didn't kiss her goodnight and tell her I loved her. It broke my heart but I didn't want to give her another opportunity to hit me. And to tell the truth, my feelings were hurt. This morning it happened again. We were playing on the floor before I took her to daycare and she started getting fussy and hitting again but she actually crawled into my lap to hit me. I placed her back on the floor, looked at her and said no. Finally, after three or four times, I gave her the rest of her morning bottle and it stopped. Maybe the distraction thing works, maybe the night's sleep helped calm me down but I felt more confident that this was a stage that I could get through without wanting to rip my hair out.
    She's still my sweet baby, but I guess this is a sign of what road lies ahead. I guess the real parenting is about to start. Tough love sucks!

Infant Life Hacks

    I thought it might be nice to share some of the quick little tips Adrian and I picked up along the way that made life surviving the first 9 months a little better. This will probably become another list that I update along the way as well. Enjoy!

    1. Put a blanket, quilt, or crib pad down on the crib mattress every time baby sleeps in the crib. The last thing you want to do at 3:00 A.M. is change the crib sheet because baby spit up or peed. Just make sure that whatever you use will not suffocate baby if they roll around. 

    2. Power pumping. It's time consuming and a pain but also the BEST way to ensure that you get your milk supply up as much as possible in those critical first couple of weeks. 

    3. Feed solid foods, bathe, then give baby a bottle. This helps baby get full, relax, and then top off. Ayla usually lays her head down within 15 minutes of finishing her bottle so when we put her in her crib, there's rarely ever any crying or complaining. 

    4. Let daddy take a feeding. By trading off feedings or taking a particular overnight feeding, daddy can help you get a few more minutes of sleep every night by taking just one or two of those late night or early morning feedings. Pump throughout the day and there'll be plenty of breastmilk for him or he can use formula if you supplement. 

    5. Keep wipes stashed all over the house. Baby spits up at all hours of the day and night and you may have to do an impromptu diaper change or wipe baby down for whatever reason. Having wipes handy gets you back to play or snuggle time that much faster!

    6. Don't throw any durable containers away. Some of the best toys we have are empty water bottles and formula boxes. Just wash thoroughly and let dry before giving to baby. It's the free stuff that always seems to get the most use in our house. 

    7. Don't be afraid to wash baby off in the sink or tub rather than use half a box of wipes. Wipes having chemicals that can  irritate baby's skin and those blowout poops get everywhere anyways so sometimes it's just easier to lay a few towels down in the sink and hose baby down. Always fill the sink to the appropriate level first so you can test the water temperature. 

    8. Invest in a few water proof pads for the changing table. These are great because it allows you to be a bit more messy as you're learning to change diapers without adding to the laundry pile. Babies 'R Us has great disposable ones.

    9. Get a travel changing pad with pockets or compartments. This allows you to store diapers, a change of clothes, wipes, and/or cream without carrying your whole diaper bag into the bathroom with you. Guaranteed life saver when away from home. 

    10. Always carry a change of clothes. You just never know what's going to happen. Seriously. 

    11. Always buy a backup lovey. If baby has a favorite toy or binky, be sure to get body doubles ASAP. It's essential to have something handy when Lovey's in the wash or temporarily M.I.A. and before that model is discontinued and nowhere to be found. 

    12. Always pack one more bottle than you think you may need when going out. It's better to have an extra than get stuck without one. It may also be helpful to invest in bottle coolers or carry an unopened bottle of water in your diaper bag with a formula portioner. We got the Tommee Tippee bottle coolers and use them all the time. 

    13. Invest in a carseat cover. Whether you make it yourself (they're super easy to make like this one I made. This is the pattern.) or get one free with shipping & handling from Carseat Canopy, it's a great way to cover baby when going out, protect them from nosy shoppers, and while its rainy or sunny. It can also double as a travel playmat and/or a nursing cover in a pinch.
    14. Give baby a distraction while they're on the changing table. Ayla started getting really fussy whenever I would lay her down on the table to change her. She would try to spin her way off the side and then she'd get mad at me when I wouldn't let her. Turns out, all I had to do was give her a choice of comb or brush and ... Voila! Problem solved... For a bit.
    15. The Tidy Diner. It's a reusable silicone placemat that you can pull out at a restaurant, rinse, roll up and go. Genius!
    16. Stroller bags are a must! Yes, this is not necessarily the same as your every day diaper bag, although I'm trying to figure out a pattern to make them interchangeable. I have a link to a fantastic pattern for a stroller bag on a separate post. It makes all the difference in the world to be able to add some storage to an umbrella stroller once you're ready to let go of your full-size travel system.

Best Toys Money Can Buy

    These toys are proof-positive that it doesn't take a lot of money to entertain a baby! I'll post more ideas as they are discovered.

$1 whiffle balls from Dollar Tree and a pot.

An empty 3 quart water bottle.

$1 Wind-up monkey toy from Dollar Tree. A useful crawling practice tool. (Of course, this one is only used under tight supervision.)

Stacking cups from Grandma Mimi.

A Wonderful Article

I read this Bump article and thought it actually had great advice and information. Some of the articles that I read from the Bump make me question then as a reliable source of support but this has realistic advice and information for moms who are weighing whether to breastfeed or formula feed. Obviously, I'm a breast feeding supporter and this article helps resolve a lot of the misconceptions I had and was given about breastfeeding. 

Enjoy everyone!

http://m.thebump.com/new-mom-new-dad/breastfeeding/articles/worst-breastfeeding-advice-ever.aspx?cm_ven=Responsys&cm_cat=Newsletter&cm_pla=Parent&cm_ite=July%2030,%202013&MsdVisit=1

THOSE People

    Our little family is scheduled to visit some VIPs in Washington state in August, and in preparation, Adrian and I are researching travel tips for flying with an infant. My biggest fear is becoming THOSE  people on the plane with the screaming baby that everyone wishes they could incinerate with laser beams shooting out of their eyes. I always hated that when I would travel from DC to Texas and want to avoid that at all costs now.
    Amidst researching the airline, TSA, searching the internet and conferring with friends who have successfully travelled with their children, we've managed to figure out a few things. 

     1. Maybe most important for me to remind myself, those people are the ones that do nothing and act like people should just get over it. It's true that there's not much that can be done about a screaming, crying baby. But I do think there is a big difference between parents that try and those that could care less about the others around them. I'm obviously not that person, so I think we're covered in that respect.

     2. The number one suggestion has been to feed Ayla a bottle at take off and landing to help her equalize her ears and keep her calm. This actually works out perfectly because the flight takes about 4 1/2 hours and takes off about an hour before her bedtime, which will work out nicely if she can manage to fall asleep and stay asleep on the plane.

     3. Apparently, checking the stroller and the carseat shouldn't be a problem, but the one concern I have is definitely what to do when/if we have to keep her in her carseat, for instance during take off and landing. Plus, she's so squirmy now and I just know she's going to give me those big, brown puppy dog eyes to beg me to take her out. My plan of attack is to bring a few interesting toys and, the guaranteed distraction, my phone! 

     4. We've started Ayla on solids, beginning with rice cereal and we're going to slowly work in a variety of fruits and vegetables. That's handy since that gives us more of a variety of options while we travel but milk was a concern since it's a liquid. Apparently frozen breastmilk should be ok and we can buy pre-bottled formula that won't freak TSA out too much. If all else fails, I'm a walking baby buffet, which may come in handy, so I think we'll be ok for food.

     5. Even though we're traveling with an extra person (who oddly enough requires two times the clothing & luggage as us), we only get the standard carry on allowance for the ticketed seats. Considering that the flight is a critical part of the trip, this presents a particular problem. Adrian and I have decided that we would prefer to attempt to travel light. I'm leaving my purse at home or will pack it in my suitcase. The diaper bag is big enough to double for my carry on for purposes of the flight and Adrian will bring a backpack that will contain the iPad, travel documents, adult snacks, etc... Hopefully this limits the amount we'll have to juggle at the gate.

     6. DIAPERS! We have to use disposables while we're traveling but we still need to use the cloth diapers at night. Still haven't figured this one out except that we're going to pack one package of disposables and wing it with the cloth diapers. We can always purchase more diapers but we may not be able to wash the cloth diapers. We may have to figure something out.

    All in all, we're looking forward to the visit and now we feel more confident about the trip! We've done our homework so I think we'll manage at least as well as can be expected under the circumstances. Now all that's left to do is go and buy Ayla her very own luggage from Sam Moon!

Tumbleweeds and Canaries

    Well, it's been a few weeks since I last posted and for good reason! School is officially out for the summer and I'm now working at an internship downtown; a nice change from what I had previously planned... A class on wills and estates. It's not quite the break that I was hoping for but I'll take whatever I can get!

    Meanwhile, Ayla has been blossoming! I'm still waiting for an official crawl but she took a half-step the other day and enjoys rocking back and forth on her hands and knees. She has definitely caught on to rolling both ways and that has become her main mode of transportation. Baby-proofing has already begun. She's now sitting up straight like a champ and wants to hold her own bottle, whether she's able to get any milk or not. It's amazing how quickly she catches on to things once she sets her mind to it. It's also amazing how stubborn she becomes when she decides to be. (Doesn't sound familiar at all, right?!) Her new big thing is pulling up onto her knees. That's a new trick she discovered yesterday as she was trying to harass the dog and grab my phone. Now she's trying this hybrid crawl/stand thing and can't quite get either one right. It's funny to watch!

    We've also started her on cereal in the evenings and I was amazed at how quickly she took to eating from a spoon. The one crazy "Ayla" habit she has is sticking her thumb in her mouth after every bite. It's not as bad now as it was when we first started but it's pretty funny to watch! I'll try to post a video later. The next step is to try out mashed up fruits and vegetables with this handy little contraption. You place softened foods inside the mesh bag and it instantly becomes a veggie- or fruit-popsicle. I'm excited to see if it works. A friend also told me about reuseable bags that act almost like a sippy for pureed foods. Imagine a Capri-Sun for baby food. Not so excited about the inevitable stinky poopy to follow. I've also decided that I'd like to try to avoid jarred baby foods if possible. We need to eat more fresh fruits and vegetables ourselves anyways, and with a little planning ahead, I'm hoping that it won't be too big of a hassle.

    My most favorite new trick of Ayla's is her constant singing in the car! It's just vowels and babbling, but to me, it's the sweetest sound in the world! Most of the time, I'll join in with her and she likes that, but every once in a while, I'll let her take the solo. She's actually been doing it for months but not as consistently as she does it now. I think my joining in has encouraged her to do it more often! She's a really fun buddy on the morning commute when she doesn't pass out!

At Long Last

    After a crazy semester of just trying to keep up, I've finally found an opportunity to update everyone on our little Cupcake! I've not only added new photos but also added a Videos page. 

    Ayla is now officially 5 months and moving around like crazy. She's been sleeping through the night for months,  is now dealing with teething, and we've gone for a few months without any diaper rash issues. We've also figured out some things along the way...

    Ayla's now on a sleep schedule that's flexible enough to fit in with my crazy schedule. We've managed to make both our crazy work/school schedules work. We've found a friend that will babysit for us so we can have a date night. I've even found an online diaper service that is cheaper than buying diapers at the store and includes wipes! Life is busier than ever and there's no doubt that we have to work hard to make it work but its worth it in the end to know that Ayla is healthy, happy, and thriving. 

    So, check back in with us every now and then and I promise I will too!

The Soapbox

    My one pet peeve when I was pregnant was people trying to give me advice or tell me stories about their pregnancy experiences. Now that I'm on the other side of the issue, I realize that it's hard not to talk about those experiences with others.

    I've had a number of women approach me at school asking how I managed school, pregnancy and a baby, what my labor and delivery was like, etc... Whenever I am asked any of the above, I always try to remember how it felt when I was on the receiving end. Sometimes it helps reign me in; other times, I'm just as bad as the geese I resented when pregnant. Some notable exceptions, I'm proud to say, include: 1) I don't talk about the negatives of pregnancy, 2) I don't try to scare the shit out of women when I talk about labor & delivery, and 3) I talk about considering recovery when making a birthing plan. Still, it's difficult not to feel a bit "preachy" at times. This is especially hard when discussing different baby products. I don't know why it is but I think moms get emotionally involved when they find something that works for them. The difference is understanding that it works miracles for you but may not produce the same effect for all.

    So, even though I've only been a mom for a hot second, here's my rant on the miracle products and ideas in my life:

        1. The Wubbanub. It's a stuffed animal sewn on to am Avent Soothie (otherwise known as a pacifier). It's a simple innovation that has become a lifesaver for us. It weighs down the paci so it stays in longer and it's large enough that it's easier to find. GENIUS!

       2. Triple Paste. Ayla was unfortunate enough to inherit my ultra-sensitive skin, so inevitably, diaper rash has been an issue for her. This stuff is great and we've discovered that if we layer petroleum jelly over the paste it keeps the diaper rash away!

       3. Cloth diapers. Yes, we've used them and yes, I love them! They're a heck of a lot cheaper than disposables, they've helped Ayla's skin heal from diaper rash and it's worth the hassle of extra laundry. When we run low on disposables, we use cloth. I also bought several from China for only a few bucks a piece and found some like-new ones on Craigslist. We've used SunBabydiapers (good for overnight), BabyLand (good for laundry day because they have a tendency to leak but were cheap off eBay), GDiapers and Cocalo PerfectBum diapers (sold at Babies 'R Us and have cloth/biodegradable disposable options which is super convenient), and FancyPants (a gift from a good friend and they're wonderful for at night as well).

        4. Target Sensitive Wipes. These are the best generic wipes I've found and they're so much cheaper than the name brand wipes. Unlike some of the other generic wipes we tried (HEB), they're really soft, not like wet paper. I broke down and bought a tub of the name brand ones but only so I could keep the tub they came in because I know babies love to play with them and put toys in them.

        5. Buying clothing 1-2 sizes up. After having to pack up all of Ayla's newborn outfits only a short two months after she was born, I realized just how quickly she was growing up and out of her clothes. I have since refused to buy the actual size that fits snugly and instead buy one or two sizes up. If I'm going to spend any money on clothes, I want them to last.

        6. Children's resale shops. By far, my favorite stores in the world. These are a great place to find fantastic deals! Clothes are often a fraction of the price that they charge in stores and toys are used but so much cheaper! Kid to Kid  Once Upon a Child

        7. Bath Cozy. This is a very simple idea but it makes life a lot easier. It's basically a thin, animal-shaped terry cloth towel that you dunk in the bath water and lay over the baby so they don't get cold. It transformed bath time from an ordeal to a fun, relaxing time for everyone.

        8. Fisher Price Rock 'n Play. This was given to us for free from a friend but has proven worth its weight in gold. Also a simple invention that simulates a swing, but with fixed bowed legs like a rocking chair. It's comfy for baby but you don't always have to strap them in like in a bouncer because it dips in deep enough that they're not likely to fall out. It's portable, foldable and doesn't take up too much floor space.

        9. Aden & Anais Muslin Swaddles. These are great because they're big enough to wrap around the whole baby and tuck into itself. Unlike the usual receiving blankets that you buy at the store, these actually stay folded like a swaddle despite baby's thrashing. I also prefer them to the swaddle pods and cinch sacks because if you know how to swaddle (which is easy enough with a little practice), then they're quicker too because you don't have to put the baby inside anything. Baby can also break free if he or she gets warm.

       10. Munchkin Steam Sanitizer. This sterilizer is great. A lot of the other sterilizers that we looked at were made especially for that type of bottle. This one, on the other hand, is big enough to fit any type of bottle and/or feeding accessory. We pack this baby to the gills on a daily basis and it fits milk storage bottles, feeding bottles, breast pump accessories, binkies and more! It's also cheaper than a lot of other brands.

       11. Medela Pump In Style Advanced. I bought the backpack from the hospital after I rented their heavy duty version for a month. It's great and the suction is wonderful. It was cheaper than at Target and seemed really convenient. The attacments fit most of the storage bottles that I have. If I had to do it all over again I would get the tote or the messenger bag version though.

       12. Fisher Price Apptivity Monkey. Ayla is still a bit young to truly appreciate this one, but we've still gotten a ton of mileage out of it. This is a great way to allow baby to play with your phone without worrying about it breaking. There's a free app that comes with the toy and it's simple enough that even at 3 1/2 months Ayla figured out that if she keeps touching the screen it will keep playing sounds and changing graphics.

       13. Vtech Rhyme & Discover Book. I bought this at a resale shop to help with tummy time and it has proven well worth the couple of bucks I paid for it. It sings and lights up and is flat making it a great tummy time distraction.

       14. Bright Starts Jungle Gym. This is a great toy for babies that can't yet sit up by themselves. Ayla's teachers at daycare have often commented she's one of the few that reaches for the toys on the jungle gyms and it's a wonderful way to distract baby for minutes or even hours. I've even added other toys with extra links and teethers making it more interesting for Ayla to grab and discover.

    That’s my list so far! I’ll update as we find other things we love!

The Udder Truth

(Pardon the punny title.)
    I was warned by family and friends that breastfeeding would hurt. Then I took a class on breastfeeding and was told that if I was doing things correctly, breastfeeding wouldn't hurt at all. The truth was something in between with shades of grey.

    The unfortunate thing about breastfeeding is that it's impossible to know what your experience will be like without a baby. The important thing to remember is that everyone is new to the process of breastfeeding and that you, the baby and your body will eventually get the hang of it. The good news is that like everthing else, breastfeeding is well worth the effort.

    The oxytocin produced by breastfeeding helped me get back in to my jeans within 2 1/2 weeks of giving birth and my pre-pregnancy weight within a month and a half. I prefer to nurse her if I can and, unlike Adrian, I don't always have to warm up a bottle to feed her. There's less mess and clean up afterwards, and it's a sure way of calming Ayla down in a pinch. Plus, I'm a travelling buffet; always open, and oh so convenient. The benefits of breastfeeding are endless and have proven more than worthwhile but the first month was tough. I set myself a goal and it helped. I told myself that I would commit to breastfeeding for at least three months minimum. At three months, I'd reevaluate and decide whether I wanted to continue, and every three months after that. After several weeks (about 3-4 weeks) of breastfeeding, Adrian and I had figured out a schedule that worked for us, Ayla and I had gotten the hang of it, and I realized that using a breast pump was not only an option, but for me, a necessity and a lifesaver.
    Now, Ayla is officially three months as of yesterday and I'm dealing with a new challenge. I was producing more than enough milk even considering her increased consumption as of a few weeks ago, but within the last few weeks, I've actually started to produce less. Whether it's stress, lack of demand, or just one of those crazy biological things no one can explain, I have produced less milk per day than I was a month ago. Despite my best attempts, I can't seem to get back to the point where I was before. So now, I have to reevaluate not only whether to continue to breastfeed but the role that breastmilk will continue to play in the nutrition choices for Ayla. She's just about old enough to start introducing cereal and there's always supplements to help increase production, but the question now is, Is it still worth it? At least for now, the breast pads, not sleeping on my stomach, painful letdown and engorgement are all still worth the health and financial benefits of breastfeeding, but more than ever I appreciate how and why some women make the choice to stop breastfeeding after a few months. Like so many other things, it's a personal, lifestyle choice and no one can make it except for me.

What They Don't Tell You

    I've always been amazed at the lengths people will go to to impress others. When I was pregnant, and even before, people would tell me all the horror stories of their pregnancy and labor and delivery. For the longest time I though that I too should brace myself for the worst because all I ever heard were terrible things about both pregnancy and labor. Of course, the aftermath was also always something that people mentioned with sarcasm and foreboding. For any first time soon-to-be-moms or anyone out there who's just curious... They're wrong! I won't claim that my experience was the norm, or even that it was one that women should expect but one thing it was not was horrible.

    Morning sickness is just a reality of pregnancy and, for most women, inevitable. There are some women who truly have severe cases; I was lucky enough not to be one of them and I don't expect to be as lucky my second time around. However, for most women, morning sickness is temporary and they are able to at least manage their morning sickness and continue with life. For me, light, continual snacking throughout the day and night did the trick. I bought different types of fruits and mixes by the pound at HEB and made my own trail mix. It was easy to take along in my purse and small enough that it didn't take up room or weigh a ton. I also nixed the horse pill multi-vitamins. I kept gagging on them and when you're already nauseous, that's a dangerous mix. I took gummy vitamins instead that contained all the same ingredients in the same amount and I actually took them because they tasted good.

    Swelling is no joke and one of the things that I did have trouble with during my pregnancy. Though, it's a good excuse to ask for foot rubs and buy "mommy shoes". I still wear the cute little flats I bought to accommodate my expanding feet and slight tweaks to my lifestyle were really helpful. For instance, getting seats in  front of the railing at the movie theater so I could prop my feet up during a long movie and maintaing a low sodium diet. Those things helped but didn't solve the problem completely. The one thing that did finally resolve the issue was giving birth.

    Breastfeeding was a challenge that I wasn't prepared for, but to be honest, I don't think you can. Until you have a baby, it's not really possible to anticipate your experience. The breastfeeding class that we took was helpful, the research I did was informative, the warnings from family and friends helped shape my expectations (even though most weren't welcome or warranted). In the end, it took about a month for Ayla, myself and my body to really get comfortable with the process, but we did. I am drafting a separate post just about my experiences with breastfeeding, so I won't go into ad nauseum detail here but sufficient to say, it wasn't that bad and the benefits FAR outweigh any of the disadvantages.

    Labor and delivery is truly something that is unique to each individual. This is why, now, knowing what I know, I really hate the people who tried to scare me while I was pregnant, claiming all the while it was for my benefit. In the end, my doctor and I agreed to an induction the day after my due date out of concern that if we were to wait any longer, it would increase my chances of having a cesarean. The morning of my daughter's birth, I walked calmly into the hospital, was admitted and found out that I was already having regular contractions and was dilated 2 cm. I didn't even feel the contractions, though I had felt previous pre-term contractions and they definitely put a kink in my humor. At 7:15 I began the Pitocin drip, at 7:30 my doctor broke my water (which really did feel weird and different than I thought it would), around 10:30 I decided it was time for the epidural and because of the excellent nurses I got it around 10:45, by lunch time I was already 5 cm along. My doctor promised me that we would know whether a c-section would be necessary by 5:00. She was right. Ayla Jane was born at 4:37 p.m. I was the first in my generation, out of six prior babies, to have a natural birth. Adrian and I kept celebrating the fact that we broke the c-section cycle. Not that there was any prejudice against it. In fact, we were both prepared for me to have the c-section knowing that it was a real possibility considering my family history. We just felt that it made our experience special or unique somehow; different or separate from the many other girls in our family.

    The epidural was like being on vacation. Once it took effect, I got my sense of humor and energy back with a vengeance. The best part was, I actually enjoyed my labor and delivery! Yes ladies! It's possible! It didn't hurt when they put it in, and of course, I was battling contractions simultaneously, so it was a piece of cake in comparison. It took a few minutes to take effect and several minutes to eliminate the pain but I was still able to feel the pressure from the contractions and control my pushing. What's more, I had the energy, not only to push harder and longer, but to truly enjoy the time during labor and together with my brand new family after Ayla was born. In fact, the nurses and I were having a great time while I was pushing, telling jokes and laughing. I wasn't in any pain and I was so was excited she was almost in my arms It is a time I will never forget and I know would have been irreversibly affected had I been worn out. I think an epidural is a personal choice that all women should consider but seriously research beforehand. I hope that my experience does not persuade others to get one, but that it is illustrative of the possibility that women truly can enjoy their birthing experience.

    Recovery. It's no piece of cake; don't expect it to be. Your body has literally gone to hell and is on its way back. Your experience during recovery is wholly dependent on your birthing experience, so I'll limit my comments regarding my own experience but one thing I have found seems to be universally true: The more difficult the labor and delivery, the longer and more difficult the recovery. I say this only to make the point that, when considering a birth plan or making a decision in the delivery room, it's worthwhile to consider the recovery when making those decisions. Having the type of labor and delivery experience that you consider preferable is important. The bad news: No one can choose the experience they have; you get what you get. There is no normal and so many extenuating circumstances throughout the process to make it more likely than not that at some point you'll stray, if even only in the slightest bit, from your original birth plan. The good news: If you're not "married" to a birthing plan and go with the flow, I'm generally convinced that doctors and nurses truly make decisions in the best interest of both mother and baby. One last thing to consider. Yes, labor and delivery is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but those first days with your baby are as well. Consider that when building your birth plan. You may wish you had considered recovery more after the fact, especially when energy and a sense of humor are so important with a newborn.
    All in all, labor and delivery were not what I was expecting because I was convinced that it would be the most difficult experience of my life when in fact, it was the best. It wasn't all rainbows and sunshine but what wasn't, was more than worth the effort. Ayla is the best thing I've ever done and I can't imagine anything making having her not worthwhile.

  

Motherhood

    Life before and after children is one of the mysteries of life that, no matter how much you prepare yourself or think you know, you have to experience it in order to understand it. The love of a mother for her child is irrational and obsessive; there's nothing about it that can be conveyed in words that would sufficiently prepare or explain it to someone that has never experienced it before. It's surprising how much and how quickly the world is turned upside down (or rightside up, depending on your view of it) once that life is brought into being. The challenge is to keep an even keel when the situation is so extreme.

    Ms. Ayla Jane Sanvictores entered this world at 4:37 P.M. on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces and measuring 19 inches long. The light of the world shines through her and, yes, the sun shines out of her adorable bottom! From the moment she entered this world, neither my life, nor it's meaning and purpose, have remained the same.
    I used to think of having kids as the death of freedom and independence. While, to a certain extent that's true, what I didn't realize was that freedom and independence just wouldn't be as important once she was born. That's not to say that I've completely changed my character and no longer value either virtue; just that, now, the only thing I value most is being with her and knowing she's alright. Never before has having a one-track mind been more accurate a description of me. It means listening to her breathing at night while I "sleep" and foregoing things like food and potty breaks to make sure that she's as comfortable and satisfied with life as possible.
    The not-so-sunny side of the coin is that motherhood is HARD WORK! I'm the food source, the security blanket and the ultimate watchdog for this precious life and the anxiety, fatigue and fear of what is and what could be have been enough to age me ten years in just a month and a half. It's constant and enduring with no end in sight and no hope of fading. The lack of sleep alone makes it difficult to remain... Diplomatic, may be the best word. The humbling thing is that I have an amazing support system, and even with all my blessings, I can't even imagine what it must be for mothers without a husband or family to help them.
    So, I count my blessings each time I look at my precious daughter and can't believe that such a beautiful thing has come out of me. Stay tuned for more updates on how she changes and amazes as she grows!