Motherhood

    Life before and after children is one of the mysteries of life that, no matter how much you prepare yourself or think you know, you have to experience it in order to understand it. The love of a mother for her child is irrational and obsessive; there's nothing about it that can be conveyed in words that would sufficiently prepare or explain it to someone that has never experienced it before. It's surprising how much and how quickly the world is turned upside down (or rightside up, depending on your view of it) once that life is brought into being. The challenge is to keep an even keel when the situation is so extreme.

    Ms. Ayla Jane Sanvictores entered this world at 4:37 P.M. on Wednesday, December 19, 2012 weighing 6 pounds, 2 ounces and measuring 19 inches long. The light of the world shines through her and, yes, the sun shines out of her adorable bottom! From the moment she entered this world, neither my life, nor it's meaning and purpose, have remained the same.
    I used to think of having kids as the death of freedom and independence. While, to a certain extent that's true, what I didn't realize was that freedom and independence just wouldn't be as important once she was born. That's not to say that I've completely changed my character and no longer value either virtue; just that, now, the only thing I value most is being with her and knowing she's alright. Never before has having a one-track mind been more accurate a description of me. It means listening to her breathing at night while I "sleep" and foregoing things like food and potty breaks to make sure that she's as comfortable and satisfied with life as possible.
    The not-so-sunny side of the coin is that motherhood is HARD WORK! I'm the food source, the security blanket and the ultimate watchdog for this precious life and the anxiety, fatigue and fear of what is and what could be have been enough to age me ten years in just a month and a half. It's constant and enduring with no end in sight and no hope of fading. The lack of sleep alone makes it difficult to remain... Diplomatic, may be the best word. The humbling thing is that I have an amazing support system, and even with all my blessings, I can't even imagine what it must be for mothers without a husband or family to help them.
    So, I count my blessings each time I look at my precious daughter and can't believe that such a beautiful thing has come out of me. Stay tuned for more updates on how she changes and amazes as she grows!